Parenthood

The warm, refreshing water. The sumptuous lather of suds in my hair. The sense of washing the day away, feeling the tension drain out my back and neck.

Then:

A frigid breeze. An icy cold hand on my leg. The sense that someone's watching, confirmed by the crunch of an apple: his favorite snack.

I miss showering in private.

My Bad

This post comes to you courtesy of me, in my bed, at 1 pm on a Tuesday.

Napping buddies

I can explain, and will begin by being so uncouth as to discuss my weight (which is fine, so I'm not complaining) but that doesn't stop me from really, really wanting to lose my last few (okay, 8) pounds of baby weight. I don't even have that much to complain about since most of it seems to have settled on my ass, which for me is a good thing. I needed that. In my opinion. However, along with that, my chest is still a bit too large to fit back into some favorite dresses, and well, I wanna wear my dresses.

It seems that no matter what I do, the weight won't budge. Dieting, nope. Hot yoga, pilates, jogging - nope. Eating everything in sight on the days I give up - still doesn't budge. I guess that's a good thing.

So I instituted this 48-hour leek soup fast yesterday. (They are really beautiful dresses, did I mention?)

Things seemed to be going fine. I sipped my leek broth all day (they are diuretics don't ya know), drank lots of water and green tea. I wanted to chew something but I kept telling myself it was only for 2 days, and I felt okay.

Then I woke up this morning and started to walk to the bathroom but I had to sit down and rest on the way there, on account of seeing spots. I know they recommended low activity levels during the fast, but I thought that not being able to walk to my bathroom was a little crazy - and I still had to take care of a 15-month-old all day! I was nauseous and super dizzy and to sum it all up, it was a bad idea for me and day 2 is a no-go. I ate some food and basically am waiting for it to take so I can drag myself out of bed.

Whoops.

I told my husband that this craziness was the final frontier for me. I'm taking the best care of myself I can (most days), so if I couldn't lose weight doing this, I was going to stop dieting, focus on being healthy, and quit worrying about it. Maybe this is just my new size, I guess.

So long, dresses. Just kidding, I will never part with you. Maybe someday we will meet again, and so will your zippers when I put you on.

The Verdict

It was an adjustment at first. I missed my office friends and daily interaction with people.

But I like staying home with Henry.

What with all that time with my sweet boy, the hot yoga classes I'm taking, working on a major project with a great writing partner, and one of my best friends moving back into town recently and coming over lots...

The verdict? I'm feeling rather fulfilled.

On Crockpots

My friend gave me a crock pot that she was going to get rid of.

The problem with the crockpot (and I'm not talking about its jiggly handle) is that it doesn't need me to fuss with it enough. I don't feel like I'm actually cooking. Then later, when I get compliments on how good the food is, I feel like the crockpot will give me a dirty look if it hears me just say "thank you," without giving it any credit.

Last night while I was eating my pork carnitas, and Dan was gone working the night shift, and Henry was in bed, and the 2-hour premiere of Terra Nova came on before I could turn off the TV, leaving me powerless against its pull...

I felt something watching me.

I looked to my left, into the kitchen, and the crockpot was all, Hey. I like dinosaurs. I like time travel. I've been working hard all day long on those carnitas. Let me watch TV with you.

But I was like, no, you're inanimate, leave me alone. Let me eat my dinner in peace.

Boom. Sanity intact.

_______________

I like:

Crock pot Carnitas

Baked slow-cooker chicken

BBQ pork for sandwiches (and don't forget the cole slaw!)

Not Looking Back

Well, here I am, in my bed with a cup of coffee on a Thursday morning. (It's Thursday, right?)

My first week as a stay-at-home mom.

It's been awhile since I said I was planning on making this transition. We were short-staffed and slammed at work, and so I figured I would stay there through summer. As summer came to a close and the time to set a last day was upon me, it was harder than I expected. We were making decent money between the 2 of us, and we're going to miss it. That's the truth.

But. I've never felt so happy after making such a hard decision. I told myself I wouldn't look back, so I'm determined not to.

Letter to a one-year-old

Dear Henry,

Today you slept on my chest for the first time in months. You woke up early from your nap and I went to get you, but you snuggled up to me on the couch and went right back to sleep. What a wonderful departure from our normal routine.

It struck me, though, how much bigger you were than last time we napped together. How much bigger than the very first time your little body was laid upon my chest, to this day the brightest shining moment in a lifetime of moments.

You have changed me. My edges have softened and blurred from months of melding together with you. Hours of staring into your eyes, or watching your chest rise and fall long after they have closed. We've been through a lot in this last year, but for all of it, I really must thank you, Henry, for creating out of your father and me a family. For changing me into a mother, and thereby, making me happier than I have ever had any right to expect.

Soon you will be walking and talking, and I look forward to every bit of it. But for now, I am glad for every day that you are still smaller than you ever will be again. That you can still fit against my chest, bury your head into my hair, and sleep soundly with me.

All my love, always.

Big. So big.

Guys.

I never thought the day would come for me to say this.

I had so resigned myself to my current day-to-day that I haven't even stopped by here to chat.

But it looks like the future is about to hold some additional time for that.

Because I am about to become a stay-at-home mommy.

I am feeling so incredibly blessed, and that's not a word I throw around.

I don't have a ton of details yet. I haven't nailed down when my last day is going to be so I don't know yet exactly when this little adventure is going to commence. I'm still hashing out some details here on the work end. This is a busy time of year and we're short-staffed as it is, so I'm trying to be flexible. But I don't even want to miss one more day with my little man. Quitting work is a lot of work.

You can quote me on that.

I'll be back soon